Can't Be Saved
by punchyournuts
Summary: Frank Iero is a stripper who is also a heavy drug addict and a alcoholic. He bumps into a man (Gerard Way) after one of his shifts who refuses to leave him alone. *Frerard eventually*
1. Chapter 1

I just finished my shift at Jazzhands; it's 4:30 in the morning, and I'm exhausted . I haven't had a hit in more than seven hours. I ran out while I was at work, and I'm starting to lose it. At least I made $200 tonight. Now I just have to make it to the hotel and call my dealer in one piece, and I'll be okay.

I'm only two block from my hotel room when it happens. Withdrawal. I can feel my bones start to ache; my heart beats faster. I start to sweat and feel dizzy. I feel like I'm going to throw up, and my arms start to itch. I try to walk faster, but it's useless. I'm so preoccupied with scratching at my arms that I don't realize what I'm doing, and I run right into someone walking down the street.

"Sorry," I say to the stranger as we both fall to the ground.

"It's okay," the man says as he stands up. "Are you ok?" he says to me as I'm still on the ground scratching my arms and sweating to death.

"Yeah I'm fine," I say with my back to him, still sitting on the ground.

"You don't look so good. Do you need help up?" he says to me, extending his hand to help me up.

"Okay," is all I say, grabbing his hand as he helps me up, but as I start to stand a pain shoots through my leg, and I fall forward, stumbling into the man trying to help me.

"Whoa, dude, are sure you're okay?" he asks again as he helps me stand back up again.

"Thanks, sorry for running into you," I say to him as try and walk away, but I fall again and land on my face.

"Have you been drinking?" the man asks me, helping me to my feet once again.

"No, I just got off work, and I'm just trying to get to my hotel room," I say, yanking my arm away from him once I'm on my feet.

"Where do you work that you get off at four in the morning?" he asks as I try to back away toward my hotel.

"I work at Jazzhands. I've got to go," I say quickly, trying my best to walk away.

"What's your name?" he yells after me. I've gotten quite far away from him, or I thought I did at least.

"Frank. Now I really have to go," I say, turning and walking away.

A few minutes later I find myself at my hotel room. I scramble around for my phone in my bag. I finally find it and scroll through the numbers eventually finding the one I'm looking for and pushing send.

"It's me, Frank," I say as soon as I hear someone pick up. "I need 200 worth. Yeah, my hotel room," I say as I hang up. I walk into the bathroom and look into the mirror. My eyes are dark, like I haven't slept in days. I haven't actually. I pull my shirt off and look at all my tattoos. It's a good thing I have them to hide all my track marks and any other marks I've gotten over the years. I'm only 20 years old, and what have I done with my life? Well, I've become a stripper at a popular male strip club making $200-$300 a night, and, to top it all off, I'm a heroin addict with no friends and no family. I'm completely alone. As I'm standing there looking at my miserable self, I hear a knock at my door. I practically run out of the bathroom to answer it.

"Hi, come in," I say to Mike, my dealer.

"200, right?"

"Yeah, here," I say, handing him the money.

I snatch my drug out of his hands as he takes the money from mine. I rush over to the bedside table and lay everything out. I pull out my needles and go to work. I glance over at Mike to see him staring at me.

"What?"

"Nothing, dude. Just when did you get so bad?"

I just glare at him as I fill the syringe. "I don't know," I say as I poke my skin with the syringe. As I fill my veins, I looked over at Mike. He's just staring at me.

"What?" I say again with a sigh. I'm beginning to feel so good.

"Nothing," he says as he walks out the door.

I fall backwards onto the bed I'm sitting on. Mike and I used to be best friends back in high school. Back then he went by Mikey. We used to do everything together. Then I found heroin, and we fell apart and lost touch. That was until I found out he was dealing.

-The next morning-

I wake up on the bed I must have passed out. I glance over at the clock, and it reads 2:15pm. Great, only seven hours till I have to be at work. I rub my eyes and look around the room, Then I spot it on the table next to me. "Shit," I whisper to myself. I grab the syringe and fill it once again like I always do, but then there is a knock on the door. "Fuck," I say under my breath as I push the substance into my blood.

"Yes?" I say as a open the door slightly.

"Your check out time has passed. Are you staying or checking out?"

Fuck it was the hotel manager. "Um...I don't have enough money to stay any longer," I say through the small crack in the door.

"Then you need to leave," the hotel manager says, walking away.

Shit, now I have to find somewhere else to go, but I have no money, so I guess its back out on to the streets. I slowly start to pack the few thing that I have into my bag and head out the door toward work. I know I can stay in the ally behind it because there are some guys I know that stay there as well.


	2. Chapter 2

I pack all of my belongings, my entire life, into the one bag I own and head toward Jazzhands. I'm about a block from work when I see the man I ran into the night before sitting on a bench in front of the coffee shop next to Jazzhands. As I get closer to him, he looks over at me and stands up off the bench and starts walking toward me.

"Frank, right?" he asks as he approaches me.

"Uh, yeah?" I say, giving him a weak smile.

"I'm Gerard, by the way. Heading to work?" he asks, pointing over his shoulder to Jazzhands next door.

"Um, no, not really. I don't work till six, and I didn't have enough money to stay at the hotel, so I had to leave," I say back to him.

"Oh, you don't have a house or anything?"

"No, my parents kicked me out when I was 17."

"Oh, sorry, man."

"It's alright. Look, I've got to go," I say to him, looking down the alley way next to where we're standing.

"Um, okay. See you later?" he says to me. I don't say anything back to him; I just turn and walk down the alleyway. I look over my shoulder to see him still standing there watching me as I turn behind the buildings. Who is this guy? And why is he so interested in me? Why is he following me? I just brushed it off for now.

There are a few guys I know from work hanging out behind Jazzhands. Most of them are shooting up or doing other sorts of drugs. It's a pretty common thing in my profession. I walk over and sit next to Jeph, the only guy I call my friend really.

"Hey," I say as I sit down.

"Hey, Frank. What's up?"

"Not much. Got kicked out of the hotel I was staying at," I say as I start to pull the foil, needle, lighter and heroin out of my bag.

"That sucks. What for?"

"I spent all my money on this and didn't have enough to spend on another night or two," I say as I place some heroin on the foil and start to heat it up.

"Oh, that sucks. You working tonight?"

"Yeah at six," I say, still heating up the drug.

"Me too."

"Do you know what time it is now?" I ask Jeph, filling up my needle.

"4:30, I think."

"Okay, good. I've got a few hours to get all fucked up before I have to be at work," I say, placing a tourniquet around my arm and slowly sticking the needle my arm and into my vein, and slowly pushing my drug in.

"You wanna get some alcohol?" Jeph asks.

"Hell...yeah," I say, slowly feeling the relief of the drug running through my veins.

"Okay, cool. I didn't wanna drink alone. Makes me feel like a alcoholic. I'll be right back," Jeph says, laughing and standing up then walking around the corner and down the alleyway.I laid my head back against the brick wall, blinking my eyes slowly. I love this feeling; it's the best in the world. I can't wait till work tonight. I love getting up on stage and dancing for people, especially when I'm fucked up. Makes for a great show.

"Hey," Jeph says as he sits back down next to me and reaches into the brown bag.

"What'd you get?" I ask, putting my head on his shoulder.

"Captain Morgan 100 proof," he says, smiling at me.

"Nice," I say, smiling back at him as he open the bottle and take a drink.

"What you got planned after we get off?" I ask as he passes me the bottle.

"Not sure yet. I'll most likely come back out here and get fucked up," he says, laughing as I take a drink from the bottle.

"Just like every night," I say, chuckling.

"Yep, wanna join me?" he says, smiling and handing me back the bottle.

Jeph is about the only friend I have. We met when I first started working here. At the time, the only thing we had in common was our drug usage. The more we talked and hung out, the more we learned about each other and the more we found out what we had in common. We've hooked up a couple of times. Just for fun because everyone needs a little loving in their life even now and then.

As we sit, drink, and shoot up a few more times, it quickly approaches six, and we need to get inside and start to get ready. We both struggle to our feet, laughing at one another. Jeph opens the back door to Jazzhands, and we stumble inside.

I walk over to my area, and start to undress. I open up my bag and pull out my tight pair of short shorts and slip them on. I walk over to the mirror and glance at myself, standing there in my short tight shorts, pretty much naked with all my tattoos exposed.

"Ready?" Jeph says, walking up behind me. We're going to do a dance together tonight.

"Yeah," I say, following him out on stage with grins on our faces.

As Jim announces our names, and we walk out onto a dark stage. I take my places me on one side of the stage with Jeph on the other. We grab a hold of our poles as the music starts up and the lights get brighter; the strobe lights start going. My heart starts to beat faster, and I go numb from all the drugs and alcohol in my system. It's a great feeling. As the music starts getting louder, I start dancing on my pole, grinding up and down on it. Guys and girls are handing me money as I dance for them.

Jeph slowly starts to work his way toward me, He has an evil look in his eye, and it's turning me on bad. As he comes closer. the more the crowd cheers and throws money. I spin around on my pole. and as I'm finishing my spin Jeph is right up against me grinding himself against my backside. I let out a moan; all I want to do is turn him around and fuck him.  
My body is tingling all over, and Jeph spins me around so I'm facing him. He kisses me then kisses down my neck and slowly works his way down my body until he reaches the top of my shorts. He grabs them with his teeth and pulls them outward I look out into the crowd, and I'm pretty sure I see Gerard sitting at a table in the back of the room.

Jeph slowly starts to pass his hands all over my body, and I soon end up with a erection and of course Jeph notices, and as I look down at him he gives me a evil grin. With my back up against the pole, Jeph moves for my shorts and with his teeth he pulls down my shorts and the group of guys, including Gerard, start to cheer and throw more money up onto the stage. Jeph starts to rub my thighs, and I let out a moan. He always knows what gets to me. Always.  
Jeph stops to look up at me and smiles right before he takes me into his mouth. I let out a loud moan as he moves his tongue around my rock hard dick. As he moves his tongue and mouth around my dick, the louder I moan and the more the crowd is getting riled up, and it just turns me on more. Within no time, I'm cumming into Jeph's mouth with loud grunts and moans. Jeph swallows and winks at me as I fall to the floor. I can hardly breathe; it was so amazing being sucked off with a crowd of people watching, throwing money at me. Money I need.

Then next thing I know, Jim and Mark are helping me off of the stage. I can barely walk; they help sit down next to my changing area. I sit down with a big sigh. I'm so fucked up right now, but all I can thing about is Gerard. He was in the crowd watching me. I find my way to my bag and pull out my foil and heroin and start to heat it up. All I want right now is a hit.

"Hey."

"Hi," I say to Jeph quickly.

"That was awesome. We each made around 500 tonight," he says to me with a big smile on his face.

"Really?" I say back with a big smile but probably for a different reason.

"Yep. We should do that more often," Jeph says to me as I fill my veins with my drug.  
I just grunt at Jeph. Everything was going blurry. Fading. All I could see was Jeph, Jim, and Gerard standing around me saying something, but I don't know what they're saying.

"Why is Gerard here? Wha...Wh..." I think before every thing goes dark.


	3. Chapter 3

"Frank! Frank!" I heard someone shout, but its muffled. I try and open my eyes but everything is just so blurry. I can't see anything except three figures hovering over me. I blinked a few times before my name was being called again. "Frank! Frankie?!"

"Hmm." I managed to make a noise.

"Thank god you're alive, you stupid FUCK!" I realized it was Jeph when he slapped me and called me a stupid fuck.

"For fuck sake, Jeph," I said holding my cheek and trying to sit up only to become really dizzy and to have to grab my head to get the room to stop spinning. "What happened?" I asked.

"You're an idiot that's what happened. You shot to much up and passed out. You always do that shit after I get you off," Jeph said standing up with his arms crossed.

"Whatever, I do not."

"Yes you do, and I always think you fucking killed yourself," Jeph said kicking me in the leg.

"What's he doing here?" I asked pointing to Gerard.

"He's paid to have you tonight," said Jim.

"What?"

"He has paid to rent you for the night. Ya know we do that here, remember?" Jim said in a voice that made me sound stupid.

"Yeah, I know, but he's been following me ever since yesterday or something. I don't know, but he's been following me, and it's creeping me out," I said to Jim.

"Well that's to bad, Frank. You don't have a choice unless you wanna quit," Jim said looking at me .

Gerard reached over and started to help me up, I snatched my arm out of his hand.

"Don't touch me," I said angrily. "You don't own me till 10pm, and it's only 9."

"Okay. Well me me at this address at 10," Gerard said pulling a piece of paper of of his pocket and handing it to me.

"Sure thing, chief," I said smiling and standing up. I looked over at Jeph as Gerard turned to leave. "You still have some of that captain left?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure do," he said to me as he slipped on his pants.

"Good, I'm gonna need it," I said walking over and sitting down on Jeph's bench.

"Dude, I don't think it will be that bad. I thought you like doing that kinda stuff 'cause you make a lot of money?"

"I do. It's just he has been following me around, and it kinda creeps me out," I said standing up and grabbing my bag to go out back with Jeph. Once we made it to our spot out back, I took the bottle from Jeph's hands and chugged. "What do you think will happen?" I asked.

"I don't know man. He seems like a good person. I don't think it will be like last time," he answered.

"Oh God! I didn't even think about that. Shit."

Ya see last time someone 'bought' me for the night, I nearly ended up in the hospital. The guy had tied me to the bed and nearly beat me to death while he fucked me. I had never been so scared in my life. Jeph had found me that morning in the hotel room bloodied and scared. I wouldn't let him take me to the hospital. I hate hospitals.

"It will be ok dude," he said putting his hand on my shoulder.

"I hope so. I can't go through that again," I said taking a big gulp.

**

I showed up at Gerard's place right when i was supposed to, but I couldn't knock on the door. I was too nervous. But just when I was about to say fuck it and leave the door opened.

"Frank?" Gerard said standing the staring at me.

"Um...hi," I said shyly. I hated this. I hated this feeling.

"Come in," he said standing to the side.

"Um...ok," I said looking up and down the hallway of the apartment building. I stepped inside and felt like I was going to throw up. I should just leave.

"You want anything? Coffee? Food?" he asked. I just stared at him not knowing what to say. "I'll make some coffee then," he said, turning and going into the kitchen. I just stood there not knowing what to do or how to act. Gerard came back with two cups of coffee. I'm still in the same place I was before.

"Have a seat," he said, motioning to the couch. I just did as I was told, clutching my bag in my hands. "You don't have to be so nervous. I'm not going to do anything to you," Gerard said as he sipped his coffee.

"I, um, I just-" I had no idea what I was doing, and all I wanted was a hit or a drink or something.

"It's okay, Frankie. You don't have to be scared. I'm not going to hurt you or anything," he said looking at me as I clutched my bag.

"Can I use your bathroom?" I asked, feeling sick.

"Yeah, it's the first door on the left," he said, pointing to the hallway.

"Thanks," I said practically running to the bathroom and closing the door behind me. Shit. What am I doing here? He's going to hurt me just like everyone else. I rummaged through my bag and found my stash. I pulled out everything I needed and got it ready, lighting the lighter and melting it down. I filled my needle up and shoved it into my arm with a sigh. I stumbled backwards and fell against the wall. I slid down the wall, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, letting my head fall onto my knees. My eyes started to burn and fill with tears. I was so sick of my life the way things were. I wanna just end it all. I pulled out my needle again to fill my veins one more time, but just as I was about to push it into my veins there was a knock at the door.

"Frank? Frank? Are you alright?" It was Gerard.

"Y-yeah. I'll b-be out i-in a s-sec." The words stumbled out of my mouth.

"Are you sure your okay?" Gerard said. I hadn't notice but he opened the door and was just starring down at me trying to pull the needle out of my arm.

"Shit, I'm f-fine," I said back to him as he opened the door the rest of the way and sat on the toilet.

"You didn't have to do that," he said, pointing at my arm.

"Yes I-I do," I said, putting my head in my hands.

"Why?"

"It's what I do," I said, looking at him sadly, wanting to shoot up again already.

"Is this why your parents kicked you out?"

"What's it matter? Are we gonna fool around or what?" I asked. I wanted to get this going.

"No, that's not why I want you here," he said. I looked at him confused.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I want to help you." I just looked at him. "I find you cute, and you look like you're tired of they way thing are going in your life. Am I right?"

All I could think was who the hell is this guy? Randomly paying for a fucked up stripper just to help him? What. The. Fuck.

"Yeah, I guess. This is all I know, though," I said reaching for my needle and the stuff in my bag.

"Ok then. First, you don't need this stuff anymore," he said standing up grabbing the stuff out of my hands. "Is this all you have?" he asked. All I could do was freeze. I looked down at my bag. All I had was in there, and I couldn't get anymore till I got paid for this. "Is there more in here?" he asked, reaching for my bag.

"NO!" I said diving for my bag, but I was too late, too slow. He had all I had in his hand. He opened the toilet lid and dropped it in. My heart sank and I felt sick. I started to cry as he flushed my favorite things down to the sewer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sitting here listen to My Way Home Is Through You, and it fits this chapter perfectly i think. Enjoy :)**

"Why did you do that?!" I sobbed. It was gone just like that. It was all gone.

"You need help. And I'm here to help you." he said to me closing the toilet lid and sitting down on top of it.

"I don't want help." I said softly. Standing up the best I could, I stumbled past him trying to make my way back to the living room and out the front door.

"Where are you going?" he asked, grabbing my arm.

"L-let go." I said softly, trying to pull away, But it was no use; I was too weak. I just started to slide down the wall to the floor, Gerard still having a hold of my arm.

Once I reached the floor he let go. I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapped my arms around them, and started rocking back and forth. All I could think about was the sickness that was to come. I started to panic; I didn't want to get sick. I started to sweat and shiver at the same time.  
"D-do you h-h-av-e any al-co-hol?" I asked.

"I do, but you don't need any of that. Now come on lets go to the living room." he said reaching his hand out to me.

I grabbed his hand and he pulled me to my feet leading me to couch.

"Pl-lease, c-can I h-have s-something? I-i feel sick" I begged, grabbing my stomach. It started to cramp.

"No, you can have water if you want." he said as he sat me on the couch.

"W-why are you doing t-this to me?" I asked him.

"It's what I get paid to do." he said walking into the kitchen. "Here." He handing me a glass of water.

"W-what's that sup-posed to mean?" I asked scared out my mind.

"I get paid to help people like you." he said sitting down in the arm chair next to the couch.

" People l-like me?"

"Yes, I was paid by someone who cares about you to get you sober and get your life back on track." he said turning on the t.v.

"W-who paid you?" I asked timidly.

"A lady named Linda," he said looking at me. "Mean anything to you?"

I just stared at him. Linda is my mothers name. I figured she didn't care anymore after her and my dad threw me out when I was 17. How did she know I was so bad?

"T-that's m-my mothers name." I said shaking tears forming in my eyes.

"She wants you back home and is paying me a fee to try and save you."

"I-i wanna leave." I said standing up but failing and almost falling down. I made my way almost to the door. When he stood in front of me. "W-what are you doing. L-let me leave." I said trying to pull away from his grip.

"I can't do that." he said pulling me back toward the couch.

"Let me go!" I screamed yanking my arm out of his grasp.

"Ah ah ah. I don't think so, My job has just begun." he said grabbing me again and shoving me onto the couch.

"Please. I need something. Alcohol, pills, my stuff you flushed. Please I feel sick." I begged.

"It's called withdrawal sweetheart. It will be over soon." He smiled at me, patted my knee, and headed back to the kitchen. I pulled my knees away, pulled them to my chest, and held them there. I felt like a prisoner. Kidnapped even. I decided to see if I could make a run for it. I scrambled off the couch and bolted for the door, but I ran into something soft and it grabbed my by the arms. I tried to get free but I was too weak.

"I told you you can't leave till I'm done and you're sober." he said to me as he pushed me backwards.

"PLEASE! LET ME GO!" I screamed as loud as I could and started thrashing around as best I could. "LET ME GO!" I screamed again tears swelling in my eyes.  
"Please," I whimpered. "Please."

He was still holding me but instead of holding my arms he was was hugging me. It felt safe. For once, I felt safe, and that's when it all came pouring out all the tears I had saved up over the years came pouring out of me. I clung to his shirt sobbing. He just sat there holding me and rubbing my dirty hair.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a few hours since Gerard blocked me from the door and I broke down after learning my mother was paying him to basically kidnap me until I was sober. He had lead me to a room that I guessed was his spare room or now my room. It was pretty basic, white walls and tan carpet. There was a bed, a t.v., a small couch and a closet. That was all. I walked over to the closet and opened it up to find that it was a walk-in closet full of clothes, and there was a dresser inside of it. I walked over to the dresser opening the drawer to find boxers and socks. I closed the door, turned around, and started looking at the clothes. They were all nice and my style. I moved a pair of pants to find a door. Curious, I opened it, but It was just a wall. Just a brick wall. I decided to go back out and sit on the bed. I sat down and sighed when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," I said quietly.

"Hey." It was Gerard. Well who else would it be? He was carrying a tray of food. He sat it down on the table next to the bed that I hadn't really noticed before. "I brought you something to eat." I just smiled at him. "Would you like to shower?" he asked. I just shook my head no. "Okay, then see you in the morning." With that he turned to leave closing the door and locking it behind him.

I was exhausted, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep my body was starting to ache. I hadn't had anything in so long, no drugs, no alcohol, nothing. The smell of the food Gerard had brought was making me feel sick. I went over to the tray, picked it up, took it to the closet and placed it on the dresser. I went back to the bed and laid down curling myself into a ball.

I started to think about all the thing I did to my mom. She only knew about my drinking and how it was getting bad. I think she knew I was dabbling in other things, too. She had no idea how bad I'd gotten. Jepha's the only one who knows me well enough. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to go back to what I know. I didn't want to be sober. It scared me. Tears started to well up in my eyes. I just laid there crying till soon the darkness took over and I finally fell asleep.

I woke up a few hours later with an unbelievable urge to puke. I sat straight up and looked around. There was no trash can, no bathroom. Shit. I ran to the door and tried to open it, but I remembered it was locked. I started pounding on the door as hard as I could.

"What is it Frank?" asked Gerard as he unlocked the door.

"I-I'm gonna p-puke." I said pushing passed him and into the bathroom just in time to empty my stomach into the toilet. My stomach started to cramp. I couldn't remember the last time I had properly eaten. Tears started to pour out of my eyes again as I backed away from the toilet and leaned up against the wall holding my stomach. The withdrawal sickness was starting. I could feel my body aching, my body sweating, the chills.

"Are you okay?" Gerard asked flushing the toilet.

"N-no." I whimpered turning away from him.

"It's just withdrawal. It will be over in a few days," he said sitting down next to me on the floor.

"It hurts, Gee," I said leaning into him.

"I know." he said back pulling me closer to him. I just cried into his chest. My body was in so much pain, but being so close to Gerard made me fell like I could make it through this. I hoped I could make it through.

A few hours later we were sitting in the living room on the couch with my knees to my chest staring at the TV. Gerard was sitting next to me. He made me drink some chicken broth so I could work my way up to eating real food since I haven't really eaten in such a long time.

"Hey, Gerard?" I said timidly.

"Yeah, Frank?" he said looking over at me.

"You don't have to lock me in that room. I'm not going to leave. I have no where to go now since I didn't show up for work this morning they most likely let me go," I said starting to cry again. Only a few tears escaped.

"You lost it the moment I bought you." he said to me standing up and walking down the hallway into the room where I was staying. "Here, You need to shower. It will make you feel better." he said placing clothes down next to me. "You know where the bathroom is right?" he asked, I nodded. "Shower. Now." he said firmly sitting down in the arm chair and picking up the remote.

I slowly stood up grabbing the clothes he had gotten for me and made my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I closed and locked the door. I slid down the door, clothes in hand, and started to cry. I didn't want to live anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

I turned on the shower as hot as i could stand it. I backed up and  
stood in front of the mirror I peeled off my shirt and threw it onto  
the floor I stepped back and looked at my chest in the mirror. I was  
skinny you could see my ribs, my collar bone. When i turned around you  
could see my spine and ribs. The scars the decorated my chest were  
really noticeable. Marks i have made, marks other men have made. I  
look terrible, all but my tattoos that decorate my body covering up  
most of the scars. I unzipped my pants and pulled my pants and boxers  
off placing them with my shirt. Taking one last look in the mirror  
disgusted with what i see i stepped into the shower. The water was  
really hot, it help with the ache i'm feeling. I started to wash  
myself scrubbing as hard as i could until my skin turned red.

"Frank?" Gerard knocked at the bathroom door.

"I-i-'ll be j-just a sec." I say the best i could my body hurt so  
bad. I sat in the bathtub just letting the water hit my back.

"Are you alright? You've been in here a while." He said opening the  
door. "Frank?" He opened the shower curtain. I just looked up at him  
tears running out of my eyes. eyes red and puffy skin pink from how  
hot the water is. He leaned into the shower and turned off the water.  
"Come lets get you dried off and clothed." He said throwing a towel  
over me and helping me out of the tub. I started to shiver. Part  
because i was cold part because of the withdraw.

"I don't think i can do this." I say to Gerard as he watches me dry off.

"Do what?"

"Be sober."

"Why?"

"I haven't been sober in like 6 years. I don't know how." I said  
slipping on my underwear. I'm starting to feel comfortable around  
Gerard for some reason.

"That's what I'm here for, to show you how to live normally." He said  
smiling at me.

I slip on the black skinny jeans and red and black striped long sleeve  
shirt Gerard brought me and follow him out into the living room. I  
glance at the clock it 11:30 am. I don't think I've been up this early  
in a long time. Gerard disappears into the kitchen and i take a seat  
on the couch switching on the tv and turning it to the cartoon  
station.

"Here." Gerard says handing me a plate with a ham sandwich on it.

"Thanks." I take it and turn back to the TV. I take small bits of it  
as i watch the TV but i get the feeling Gerard is staring at me. I  
look out of the corner of my eye and see that he is.

"Frank tell me why you start using drugs?" He asked i looked over at  
him with a shocked look. I never told anyone why or how i really got  
into this mess.

"Um..."

"It's ok, you can tell me."

"I um... I started because I...I just was tired." I said to him  
putting my half eaten sandwich down on the coffee table.

"Frank that doesn't make sense " Gerard said to me looking a little angry.

"Um i mean i was tired of living. My mom and dad were arguing all the  
time and it made me depressed, so i started drinking a lot and smoking  
weed. I got invited to a party by a guy i was crushing on. he started  
to talk to me being really nice i thought he liked asked me if i  
wanted to go up to a bedroom with him. I said sure i was quite  
intoxicated already and he pulled out a bagging filled with this white  
powder and asked me if i wanted some. I asked what it was and he told  
me it was coke. I thought sure why not, I thought that maybe he would  
want to be with me if i did, so we ended up doing a couple of lines  
and he ended up coming at me and trying to have sex with me but i  
didn't want to i never had before and i was wasted but He told me that  
if i did he would give me a stronger drug for free and he would be my  
boyfriend. And at this point i was so high on the coke that it all  
sounded like a good idea." I started to cry. "So I agreed and he  
pretty much had his way with me since i didn't know what i was doing.  
but before he left me in the room he put a baggie and a note in my  
pocket gave me a kiss and left. After I had stumbled home it was  
really late and my parents we pissedme dad started yelling and  
screaming at me but i could barely stand up. on my own anymore. he  
asked me if i was drunk and i just stood there staring at him. He  
slapped me across the face and pushed me, told me to straighten my act  
up or else and sent me to my room."

"Has your dad done that to you before?" Gerard asked. I just nodded  
tears streaming down my face."How often?"

"A lot, whenever i screwed up, which was a lot."

"What happened next?" Gerard said moving to sit next to me.

"I had went to my room and passed out on my bed. The next thing i  
remember is my dad yelling at me and pushing me telling me to get out  
of his house that no junkie was allowed to live there. He told me i  
had 5 minutes to pack a bag and get out. I rushed around the room  
packing a few things and slowly walked down the stairs. I remember my  
mom sitting at the dining room table crying and my dad standing by the  
door opening it up for me as i walked out he told me i could come back  
when i was clean." I started to cry harder as the memories were coming  
back, the memories i had tried so hard to erase but now that i have  
been clean for 2 days its coming back. "I didn't have anywhere to go  
so i wandered around till I ran into that guy from the party from a  
few hours earlier. He asked me if i had tried the stuff he gave me yet  
i said 'no i didn't get a chance' he asked me why, i said my dad and i  
got into a argument and he kicked me out, he said oh bummer and wanted  
to know if he could show me how to do it. i said yes. He took my hand  
and we walked some more until we were behind Jazzhands where i work  
now. Thats where i met jepha. and it all just kinda went downhill from  
there. the guy i was crushing on wanted me to Be his boyfriend or so i  
thought. all he really wanted was to sell me for drug and boss me  
around which only lead me farther into heroin and drinking."

"Is that how you started working at Jazzhands?" Gerard asked moving closer.

"Yeah he ended up selling me to them when i was 18, But by that time i  
didn't care about anything anymore. so i just did whatever i could to  
make as much money." I said looking at Gerard who was inches away from  
me.

"Sounds like you've had it rough." Gerard says looking at me.

"I guess it's my fault really, I trust too easily, fall for people to  
easily. My head is all messed up. I don't know how to be normal." I  
said tears flowing from my eyes once more.

"It's ok, I'm hear to teach you and help you." Gerard said pulling me  
into a hug and softly stroking my hair calming me down. I'm beginning  
to feel this is my new safe place.


End file.
